Here we go again…

I remember when I had a Livejournal. Same basic concept really. Most people I knew who had one would try to post detailed events in their lives, or detailed extrapolations of their thought processes…. presumably all in the hopes that somebody would read them. 

… I used to post many many photos of trees. I used to post photos of trees and repeatedly announce that I liked trees… And then I would post cat pictures. Pictures of other peoples’ cats. Angry cats usually.

I did it mostly in mockery of Livejournal itself as a concept… but at another level I just kinda wanted attention. They called me an attention-whore, but it wasn’t like anyone was paying me.  More it was the point that it expanded my options from “be ignored” …. to “be ignored” or “annoy people”.  And in my desire not to fade out of existence due to everyone forgetting about me, I deemed it more appropriate to just have fun spamming up Livejournal with silly pictures. 

… That was at least until I lost interest in that. 

And now I’m somewhere else…. in a slightly different situation. 
But one thing is the same:
I stopped being annoying, and everyone just…. well…. ignored me. Let me fade away.  
This time I figured I’d try a new approach. I cut myself off from the avenues of unwarranted ignoring.

Instead I am here…. talking to myself. 
Unlike before I’m not trying to get attention and not expecting attention. 
I’m talking to myself because I’m the only one who will listen to myself. 

It kinda works… but it isn’t very cathartic… 

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13 responses

  1. Stalker

    I’ll talk to you… 😀

    July 23, 2014 at 5:09 pm

  2. Perhaps I should’ve been more specific. I’m relatively nearby and I’ve spoken to you online before, albeit briefly. I looked you up and managed to find your username, because I’m good at that. 😀 Hence the name, Stalker. Plus it seemed kinda funny. I sent you a PM via the other site. If you’re not interested, that is fine. I’m just very curious about you because you have such starkly different opinions than everybody else, and I really need to talk to somebody different. Because positivity and all that. Bleh..

    I was born near Camden..

    July 25, 2014 at 11:04 pm

  3. Stalker

    And, I’m sorry for derailing your thread like that. You needed to vent and we shouldn’t have made light of it. I’m actually not the sort of person who’s out to troll people, I’m someone who actually does give a damn. I’m sorry you’re going through a shitty time.

    July 27, 2014 at 12:24 am

    • A stranger pokes at my blog… Okay.
      Not really sure what to say.
      Hello, maybe?

      August 10, 2014 at 2:24 pm

      • Stalker

        Hello.

        So, what now?

        August 12, 2014 at 8:52 pm

  4. Continental drift… or at least the relative reply-speed thereof.

    If you wanted to talk to me, this isn’t the most practical place to do so.

    August 28, 2014 at 8:40 pm

  5. Stalker

    Hi.

    I’m looking for serious friendship. One where I’m not ignored. I realise I was horrible to you about your avatar at the beginning, and I feel bad about it still. I’m sorry about it.

    I don’t want to be ignored. I’ve been isolating myself from people lately. It’s hard to do anything with my life, because of other problems. I don’t want to invest my time and energy in something that won’t reciprocate.

    For the last couple of years, I’ve been trying to deal with my mother’s lack of love for me. It kind of punched me in the face back then, and it happened again this year, a few times. It hurts and I’m trying to get over her. No, I don’t know why I’m telling you this either. It’s ruling me. I’m not a person, I’m a thing. I feel empty, like nothing. I probably am nothing. It hurts that she’s actively tried to hold me back from being who I am. I’m realising it all and what she’s done, my life has been thoroughly wasted and I’ve been used.

    Anyhow, it’s probably not worth responding to me. I’m not looking after myself very well. I hate being betrayed more than anything else in the world. I leave my e-mail address on here. That will do, won’t it?

    September 3, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    • I don’t remember much of anything being said about my avatar… doesn’t much matter though.

      Sounds like you’re demanding a lot of existence… Sooner or later you’ll realise that if you only invest yourself when a payoff is guaranteed, that you’ll only end up never investing yourself in anything again. The world will never owe you, and you will always find yourself disappointed and unprepared as long as you expect anything more than the worst it can throw at you. For all of existence that governs your own is apathetic, callous and oblivious to your wants and needs… and none of it can ever be relied upon to do anything more than simply “be”.

      Just take what you can get. Make the most of what is in front of you… and move on.
      Even the very concept of being depressed will lose its meaning eventually.

      September 4, 2014 at 9:36 pm

  6. Stalker

    Wow, those are some wise words. You are totally right, you know.

    September 4, 2014 at 9:56 pm

    • Stalker

      So, where would you suggest we talked?

      September 4, 2014 at 9:58 pm

      • You’re the stalker.
        Find me somewhere else and see for yourself.

        September 5, 2014 at 7:03 pm

  7. Stalker

    Well, I’ve tried. I’m ready to give up. I just wanted to talk to you, that’s all.

    September 10, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    • It isn’t as if that option has ever been taken off the table, so to speak…
      It is just a matter of willingness to work for it.
      I prefer to make such things into a game rather than just give everything over at the first request. Besides… you labelled yourself “Stalker”. Perhaps you need better stalking skills? =p

      September 12, 2014 at 8:28 pm

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